Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
