our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're a waste of cheezeits
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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