I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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