Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
