you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
