i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
