ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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