Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That accounts for only three of the penises
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
