haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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