best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
