the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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