i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
