When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
