im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
