i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
