i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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