you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
