Umm I'm too high to move.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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