how hairy? two words: wookie tits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nutella sex= disaster
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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