I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I see more hoeing in ur future
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