I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
