is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
