Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
