you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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