I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You can't special order awesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
