No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
