I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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