It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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