White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
