just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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