Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
