it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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