Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Come on in and take your pants off
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