there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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