Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
