I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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