either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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