Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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