So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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