So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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