New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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