I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
