Jerry, you need to find god
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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