is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
