i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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