Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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