The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
