my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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