Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
