She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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