I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
