I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
