i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
