he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
