when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
