I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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