I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
