You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
