Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
