Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
