I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
